I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Green mimosas i think yes
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
