I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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