You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize