i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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