we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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