I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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