I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
