honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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