You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
