i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
