I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
