maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
