Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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