I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
