saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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