Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The uberlube is also flammable
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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