Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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