After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You made out with two different species that night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
