Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
