Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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