chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Acid is not a monday night drug
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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