hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
