SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize