areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
