YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize