420 ftw
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
