Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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