I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
