It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
