We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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