i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize