Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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