Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
