she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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