overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
