You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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