I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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