YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
