Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
