Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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