Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
