so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
