Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize