you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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