how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
either way he was missing a nipple.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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