evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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