is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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