And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize