when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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