I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
