im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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