remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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