As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
