The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
