did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
