Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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