I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
