FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize