I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
