it was like eating out sand paper
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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