I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
