Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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