i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
