Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
